ok, i'm done dicking around. time for a real post.
AP tests coupled with subsequent stress have been beating my brain into submission. no sleep complicates the situation. there was a time, back when i was rested and motivated, when i cared about AP results and somewhat felt the desire to prepare. not anymore. it's like standing in the road while a ryder truck barrels toward me. no inclination to move, or flinch, or look away (not because of shock, like a deer, but due to lack of motivation), just waiting patiently to feel something. it will all be over soon.
i returned my tux to the store today and the guy said, "did you have a good time?" and he kind of gave me a look, so i couldn't help but laugh, and say, "yeah, i had a really good time."
sometimes i think about strangers, and speculate on whether they are happy. is the person who takes your order at the drive thru happy? the guy who delivers your pizza or the construction worker in the road? he sure looks happy. maybe he's not though. maybe he just got some horrible news. maybe i should ask him if he's doing ok... i don't know of anyone who doesn't appreciate some unprovoked, anonymous compassion.
whenever i go on trips and see little towns with only a few stop lights and a grocery store, i think, "there is someone who works at that grocery store. i only see it for an instant, and i get a fleeting memory... but there is a person not so different from me who walks through those doors every single day, someone who knows the building inside and out, someone who probably has a favorite parking spot or lost an earring somewhere one night and has a memory of scouring the whole parking lot for it." but by then the town is gone, all that i retain is a fraction of the thoughts i had about it. my momentary thoughts.
i long to bathe in your torrential beauty...
the best phrases have already been discovered. or do they only seem better because we devalue our own ideas? or because our own ideas are old hat to us? tough to say, since no one is anyone other than him/herself.
my post has been interrupted by instant messenger. comment to make me feel good! | 
